{we are th dream weavers, howling from inside}

{th scenario is grave but ill be braver when you save me}

2010
flew korean air to seoul and all i have are ugly photos of myself with food. really feel like having some kimchi fried rice now! i remember it was such a cold evening when we had kimchi fried rice, and it made us all warm again :') 

2012 
planning a trip to korea for my mum & sister. looking through the photos elaine took & i feel all fuzzy inside :D look at this.. another proof that beatrice is forever eating. seriously. 

had quite a crappy morning because i slept at 4 last night and was too scared to turn off th lights. just incase i couldnt wake up for my paper today. eileen moved out yesterday so it means im th only one left in th room till my papers end today.. it's so sad to not be sleeping next to her every night. it's like even though i know she comes in only very late at night/in th morning, at least she is THERE, you know? sigh. its going to be quite sad living alone next semester. miss this girl even as i type! she has been one of the bestest / only person that i can ever room with (both of us agreed on that, actually. hahahaha) i mean, where else can you get someone who will do the laundry for you? sweep the floor every day? etc etc?

lugged my stuff around and got to loysel's for coffee w th girls. never fails to make my crappy day much better! was whining and whining to eileen about th weather + th weight i was lugging around.. and then suddenly everything was alright again. :) the girl at loysel is super cute! she actually came up to us to talk about clothes.. haha super cute & nice! and she helped us with photos too! i think it would be so cool if every service staff was like her. loysel's probably one of the places jess' and i frequent. th lemon tart is simply divine! not kidding at all! it's really, really good! so if you do pop by loysel's, you should try it. had th hot mocha this time and it was rlly nice :') #diehardchocolatefan 

START OF SUMMER, BABY!!! :D stats was alright? but i wont expect anything above a B seeing how getting a 100 is not tht uncommon.. sent a thank you email to some of my professors who helped me quite a bit this semester, whether through emails or consultations.. this sem's mod werent tht tough but still v grateful for all th help rendered. especially for stats i think!!! TOO KIND. during my public admin module paper, my prof actually asked me if i got his email re my term paper. TOO NICE. seriously. even tho i didnt rlly enjoy his course.. sigh, too kind. blessed w kind profs :') 

can't believe im leaving on monday morning :( shifting out of hall tmr morning.. was supposed to club tonight but i stupidly hit my heel on th pavement so now i cant put my left foot down wo it hurting. SIGH clumsy 

i love you, ignites 

now that th dust has settled i feel 

time should pass quicker i need 

to get out of this place and feel alive 

in sociology of tourism we talked about Cohen's typology of tourists 

feel like im an experimental tourist 

new york, new york, new york (!!!!) 

thinking of possible outfits, already .. WHAT SHOULD I WEAR GUYS

speaking of travelling i feel like i am the kind who is really really picky about accomodation 

& since i voted for adam and kelly in asiarooms i thought i wld like t add some of my "needs" here 

in decreasing importance, gd washrooms / beds / flooring / security boxes (inc gd doors, locks) / price / free wifi / centrality /  facilities 

i will never ever want to stay in seedy places, how can anyone even think of making me stay at crappy hotel 

for short trips to bkk, i liked pathumwan princess, batam- novotel, taiwan- W hotel (stayed in loads but i can only rmb 1, grr) .. i think i stayed in grand ambassador in seoul. oh my gosh elaine do you still remember our crappy first few days in incheon? such a joke la ...

anyway

this is what we call, neo-imperialism of th tourist industry 

/edit 

forgot t mention tht i was having so much trouble with receiving my non-immigrant visa a few days ago 

paid ~$400 t get so much inconvenience, thanks to the summer office rubbishy indirect emails, refuse to tell me who the fuck arranged my group interview and what was th delivery address for my passport, seriously 

what they said "we will let you know when we receive your passport" 

thanks guys all i wanted to know is SO WHAT WAS THE DAMN ADDRESS YOU GUYS PUT 

for god's sake since when was replying a question that difficult? 

and th US embassy job of pushing every single problem t th company doing their delivery 

"DEAR MISS (bloody sarcastic, i swear) we have indicated clearly in th prev email .. any further qns.. contact Aramax" 

well, i am pleased t say, Aramax is SUCH A WONDERFUL GIFT TO MOTHER EARTH 

they are th ones th US embassy uses for courier services & they have been so sweet on Twitter, Emails, Phone Calls 

my email experience w th summer office in NTU & US embassy was nothing but horrid but I AM SO GLAD ARAMAX EXISTS

so t whoever who is behind th twitter accounts, th customer service (shahira koudsi, i believe) 

you guys are awesome, and made my day so much less frustrating 

USA is one of th most troublesome countries to ever go. 

and to end this post v abruptly, 

death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal

it feels hard to type, feels hard to think, feels hard not to think. dominique, dominique. where do i even start? from the very beginning

2005 sitting at th burger king at downtown east, P told me "i think i like this guy"

cute church boy from holy trinity 
everybody liked you, everybody did.
"what do you mean by everyone likes me? QUICK TELL ME!" 

2005 walking through seiyu, walking pass you, thinking "ooh he is cute!!", texted P immediately telling her she has gd taste, received affirmation 
i was known as Her Friend but nothing more 
you went on to sports school for track & field & i was so happy because you knew S, who was one of my gd friends in primary school and you guys became gd friends 

friendster happened 

may 2008 we are now friends on facebook (thank you fb, for at least, remembering that for me) i asked you why you had so many photos of yourself, you asked me, what can i do about it? 

2010-2012 twitter existed, we tweet like we're best friends when we only had a very vague idea of each other thru photos, thru my blog 
"you will always be my favourite girl! i dont know why but i will always remember you like that" 

end january 2012 i remember squealing to R when you said you wanted my number so you could whatsapp me. and you did, and i took screenshots of it because i was such a girl. your whatsapps were quite depressing, though. it was like a different you i was seeing. you sent me whatsapps in th wee hours of th morning and expected me t reply immediately. i replied at 6 in th morning, then you'll ask me why in th world wld i wake up so early? so it was prata on weekends but i never had th time, and when i did you booked out late on saturdays. you hated th army. you wanted me to bring you horfun at 4am on a saturday morning because you "will be at ntu! right outside your hall!" it was so funny whatsapping someone who replied super fast and then goes missing for awhile.. and then comes back and replies a whole lot of bullshit. you always replied me, twice that i did not reply, which i regret very very much now.  i guess this hurts because you were someone i wanted to understand. how can anyone so funny be hurting inside? 

past tense. 

was just thinking about my late grandma this morning after my swim, i said aloud "i miss you ah ma", thought of how bad it is for my dad to know that his mother is gone, thought about how bad it would be if my own mum passed away. then i stopped myself from "thinking too much" because "it wont happen". it will, it just might. because when i was at clementi mall tweeting to jiamin, dom was out there in outfield, dying. 

before writing this post i was searching for screen shots of conversations between dom and i but i couldn't find any. i don't know, it just feels right to go back and check and see what have i saved, which snippets were "screenshot worthy" but there weren't any. feels like. these are memories and this is it. it's like there's nothing much to hold on to. if i didn't take a photo of it, that was it. there's nothing else. 

th weight of saying "there's nothing else" really stings. 

i'm turning 21 this year, and all my contemporaries are planning their birthday parties. just made me wanna cry thinking about the people who will never have another birthday again. melissa, th artistic girl who was so beautiful. eugin, my smart bio friend from s02. there's really nothing else. say it loud enough and i think it will pierce, really. THERE IS REALLY NOTHING ELSE.