Sunday, 24 June 2012

• Noctilucent

  
  
  my last trip out of berkeley/san francisco before i return to singapore was to lake tahoe 

  felt like it was one of those trips i did not want to be part of right from the start, felt like it was a wrong decision to head there, felt like it was stupid to go over just because everyone else went to lake tahoe so "i must go" 
  
  at the end of the trip, i felt the same way. 

  i think the time off from my books reaffirms how i am like as a person: 
  i like things to go according to plan, i hate acting on impulse and being dragged to do shit i dont wanna do ie this lake tahoe trip
  felt like it was a huge waste of money 
  felt sorry that i had to put my mum's, lizzie's mum and rystine's mum through this "oh no is my daughter gonna do water sports????" anxiety 
  felt like i already travelled around america before my summer session, what i wanna do here is to read my textbooks and visit museums/theatres/thrift stores/cafes, mainly being alone / left alone to think 

  it wasn't a terrible terrible trip but it was doomed from the start, thats what i think.. 
  we couldnt do water sports because the wind was above the recommended speed so no water sports was allowed
  it was super duper cold and windy while we were there, morning till night

  yesterday i tweeted saying "everytime i take a photo, my head says you dont know anything about light & composition" 
  what i do know, though, are th many reasons why people take photos 
  and why many people do not take photos
  
  

  having a camera in your hands changes th way you see things, changes th way you behave around people, changes th way you should see things: as they are.
  having a camera on the trip is almost purely functional for me

  there's this great sense of taking photos just because you wanna appear ~happening, doing things people won't do/ don't get a chance to do, create an image of (insert adjective youd like to see yourself as) 
  i feel so pretentious. 
  mainly i feel very irritated when i hear myself saying things like, "OK lets take a photo so we can put it on facebook/instagram/twitter"
  maybe im just trying to say this: why must i take a million photos of something tht arent of value to me, why must i risk my health t stand in th cold just t get a good shot, why must i risk my health so someone else can get a good shot

  
  most of the time i take photos to "send to your mother".. because honestly all my close friends' have mothers who put their daughters' lives in my hands

  there's a girl who came up to me to tell me my crochet top is cute
  th other night this korean girl came up t me t ask me where i got my blue dress from
  th other day this girl said she loved my blazer and asked me where i got it from
  becoming fashionable liao 

  during the trip i brought along the vagina monologues to read
  the chronology of water just came in too!! :) so excited to read all these books! its going to be a breeze to finish 12 books in 12 months 
  im grateful for friends who bothers to read (books, blogs, magazines, news)

  

  have a better weekend than i am, yall! i am going for a gay pride parade tomorrow in san francisco and i am quite sure it will be an eye-opener  

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